| What is it with all the cats in the winter? | | | | the plates then put them directly into the |
| Do they forget how to catch mice? They are | | | | cupboard. 2. Have husband belch loudly and |
| so round and fat they look like they are | | | | pick his nose at the dinner table. Of |
| going to explode, yet when you put food in | | | | course, if the house guest husband does this |
| front of them they eat as if they were | | | | too, it probably won't deter them. 3. Turn |
| starving. Sort of like my mother-in-law. | | | | on hot water for washer when house guest is |
| Wait! Scratch that. Never mind. Don't. | | | | in the shower or flush the toilet. 4. Cook |
| What are the chances she'll read anything I | | | | a lot of beans. They are cheap and loaded |
| wrote? My sister-in-law can tell her.We're | | | | with protein among other things. 5. Have |
| having a heat wave. It warmed up to 33 | | | | the neighbor children over and make sure they |
| degrees. The icicles started melting and | | | | run through the house and get into |
| falling off of the house. One of them almost | | | | everything. Mine do that anyway. 6. Run |
| got the cat, like a spear. I'm sure that the | | | | out of soap and toilet paper (hide some for |
| scare took away one or two of his nine lives. | | | | yourself, of course). I tried running out |
| | | | and the house guest presented me with a |
| | | | grocery list. They can't find a store or |
| How come mice never have accidents. They | | | | their wallet to contribute. I guess that the |
| chew through electric wires, cause fires, | | | | pleasure of their company is supposed to |
| then run off into the fields. Maybe we could | | | | suffice. Oh, by the way, the beans everyday |
| leave decoy food in the yard to lure them | | | | finally did the trick. Do you want to borrow |
| away from the house.After all my house guests | | | | my bean cookbook?Granny Marge just published |
| left, there wasn't enough food left to | | | | her second humor book, Granny's Journal, |
| interest the mice. I've devised a plan to | | | | following closely on the heels of her first |
| rid myself of unwanted house guests. You | | | | one, Have I Ever Told You How Much I Hate |
| know the kind. They stay and stay and eat | | | | People? Written by Two Little Old Ladies |
| and eat and complain.1. Let the dog lick off | | | | With No Friends. |